N is for Nothing

Nothing big on the schedule. Day to day stuff, small events and activities. It will likely remain this way, given BA’s health challenges. We may make a visit to her family in Madison this summer, and her sister in law is coming for a visit in two weeks, but that’s about it

I think I’m feeling it more than usual, as our original travel plans had us heading to Australia last week, traveling with a group we’ve traveled with before, seeing a solar eclipse, and some of Australia, which has been on my to see list since I found out about the Great Barrier Reef as a schoolgirl. So things remain on my list. After the challenges of Iceland last summer, when it became clear that BA’s limitations are increasing, I’ve let go of travel plans for the duration. Modest road trips, adjusted for how things are now. Most of the time, I’m in a pretty accepting place about this, and other times, like now, I struggle. Not being able to do significant trips has me realizing how very much I’d been planning/wanting/needing to do this in my life. And now the circumstances are different.

Happens a lot, I’m told. For all manner of reasons. I’m fortunate, I have resources, a comfortable home, good health, enough on most levels. And its still painful, this agenda empty of what I am realizing has been a lifelong goal, often subjugated to school and work, career, all those things. I have traveled along the way, more than many, and now, I wish I’d done more of it. Perhaps later. Meanwhile, I do stuff here, and I am making a series of lists of travel wishes/goals/longing. Three categories: 1. Relatively close shorter trips, things I might be able to do with backup care for BA. 2. Longer road trips throughout north America, including Alaska. 3. World travel, all manner of places to see. I definitely can imagine being gone for months to years at a time. For now, I contemplate, hope, and water the plants to go in the garden when the time comes.

Written for the Blogging from A to Z Challenge: N and today’s Ragtag Daily Prompt of nothing

10 thoughts on “N is for Nothing

  1. Hugs! Those limitations are difficult, aren’t they? And sometimes they are temporary and sometimes they are permanent, which is frustrating. Though in medicine I leave the door open for a new therapy, everyone ages over time.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I have a friend who after a traumatic brain injury in car, returned to the musical instrument he had not played in years. It was a huge part of his rehab.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I am sorry that you are dealing with all of this. I hope that BA improves and that both of you are able to do some of that traveling. Hugs to you both! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s a hard adjustment. My friend Lois is making it but it’s hard for her. She, also, has a less able partner and he needs care meaning someone has to stay with him when she travels. She still travels, but I don’t think she feels as free as she did before.

    I discovered something in San Diego when I started hiking in the coastal chaparral. I wasn’t in great shape and I was hesitant to explore. I hiked up the same trail every day for a year or more. First because I couldn’t go the whole way (it was a 1010 foot climb in 3/4 mile, so pretty steep) and I had to get stronger. Then, when climbing it was easy and no longer an experience in itself, I started seeing things. The upshot was that I learned that no trail is the same trail twice. I also branched out a LOT from there over the ensuing 25 years.

    That lesson has made it possible for me to live with my physical limitations. I don’t have anywhere to go anymore and I’m OK with it. Maybe if going through TSA were easier (two metal hips), or if I could breathe better (asthma), if flights were more comfortable and accommodating, if sitting a long time didn’t end up hurting, I’d feel differently. But now I weigh the pain in the ass quotient against the trip value quotient and yeah. Not interested. That said, I’d like to go back to Zürich to visit friends so I’m as inconsistent as anyone else.

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    1. It is hard. And many days, I can quite happily do my daily walk or hike, and as you note, it is different every time. And then, like yesterday, I get a notification from google calendar that I had a flight scheduled and it pings the longing hard.

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      1. I know. I got an email from my historian friend in Zürich saying if I come he and his girlfriend will take me to see some things I would really like to see. I spent the best day of my life with him in 2005, saw him again in 2016 and would really like to go back.


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