I just spent an hour talking with a man who is putting together a program in advance of the one year anniversary of the Marshall Fire, which roared through my area last December 30. During our conversation, we focused on facts and timelines and then veered into emotions, stress, reactions as this anniversary approaches. We met at the library, just over a mile from my house. I walked, as it was a way to get some fresh air and some needed exercise given all the busy-ness and recent challenges of BA’s health challenges and the cleaning/clearing/sorting that is going on to create a main floor bedroom in our house.
Arriving home, I made a late lunch and while eating, read a few blogposts and took a look at my neighborhood facebook page. I discovered that there’s a wildfire now burning NW of Boulder in Sunshine Canyon. Apparently a structure fire has spread, and today’s gusty winds have created a wildfire. Some of the foothills neighborhoods are now being evacuated. Photos are posted of the smoke plume. The city of Louisville has posted that they are well aware of the fire, and at this time, there is no threat to the community and yes, they are watching. This fire is quite a ways away as the crow flies and fire travels, direct impact is highly unlikely.
And the morass of feelings is real. I was already sensitized having just reviewed my journey from the day of the fire to now, and I walked home into a fairly stiff wind, reminiscent of “fire day”. And now there’s a fire. Sad, scared, mad, anxious, tired, tired, and tired. Did I mention I’m tired? So much going on, so much coping, doing what needs to be done. Yes, that’s how we do it, we carry on, take care of the matters to hand, and yes, there is always something more to be done, or another crisis. And yes, I am a person of great privilege and I don’t live in a war zone, and I have enough on most levels. And I’m tired.
I’m reminded of the days when I was a practicing physician and it was my turn to be on call for the weekend. Sometimes the calls just kept coming and coming and coming, and I recall a few times when I’d get another and I’d pull the blankets over my head and cry for a few seconds. Then I’d get up, answer the page, head to the hospital if necessary and go on with my professional life. Sometimes one is just tired, and being a responsible adult feels overwhelming. And so it goes.
I do hope the fire is controlled soon, and that there is minimal loss and damage. It’s clear from my neighbors’ posts and comments that we are all tired and edgy. Time to fill up my car, and check the go bags. Highly unlikely, but I’ve heard that song before. Peace and healing to us all.
Curious Steph 
I just went outside and knew I smelled a forest fire. I looked it up and saw the news about it. We have a friend in the evac zone. Very scary and triggering for so many. Peace, healing and love to you guys!
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Thanks, Nancy and to you as well. I was just telling the story of the kindness and generosity of you and Tony an hour before I found out about the fire! Yikes. Has your visiting family arrived?
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They arrive tomorrow! Strange that you were talking about that day..I hope they get that fire out quickly. I have a friend who lives in Pine Brooke Hills. I hope to hear from him soon. 😦
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Yes, so do I know a number of folks in PBH.
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“Sometimes one is just tired, and being a responsible adult feels overwhelming. ” O think you hit the nail on the head, there. Sometimes just doing the right thing is too much when you’re already weary.
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yes. And just after I posted this, I got a text from my neighbor. The men working on her gutters noticed that I had lost some shingles off my roof in today’s wind. Cue the overwhelm. The good news, is one of the gutter guys is really a roofer, and he has time and can do the repair tomorrow. Phew!
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Good when the solution appears simultaneously with the problem. It gives one hope 😀
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Oh, NO! The last thing you need is another brushfire! Your post brought me to tears, remembering last year’s fire there, and many more here! Ironically, we are expecting 80-degree weather here for Christmas Day! And it’s always nice for the Rose Parade, which will be on Jan 2 this year (no parade on Sunday!). My thoughts are with you! I hope the shingles turn out to be a minor issue, too!
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Things seem to be improving with the fire, some of the pre evacuation has been canceled. There’s Hope.
The Rose Parade. Ahh memories. My Mom grew up near the parade route and I remember visiting my grandmother on year and going. Do you live nearby?
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I’m glad to hear there’s hope with the fire — I’d hate to think that you are going into another holiday season in fear of being burned out! It’s interesting how many bad fires there are in late November through mid January! Happy Holidays!
I lived about two blocks away for about 5 years in the early 80’s. I would watch the first half of the parade on TV, then run up the two blocks and watch it all, then go home and see the reruns on TV! These days, I am about 50 miles away (just inland from Laguna Beachh), and it’s not worth the effort to get there, — and it’s too cold to camp out on the sidewalk along the route! It is a major part of New Year’s though,, and there are some floats I always enjoy!
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Hang in there. Hopefully the fire authorities will jump on that fire pretty quickly. Take care, Steph. I hope you have an uneventful Christmas and new year.
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Thanks, Tracy. The good news on the fire front is no significant growth overnight and containment up to 40% Thanks for the good wishes, and I hope you have a fine Christmas and New Year yourself!
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Sometimes just voicing how tired one is opens some space to keep going. Take care of yourself Steph.
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I agree with you, naming what’s happening allows for moving on. Hope all is well with you.
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❤️ Wish we could just go take a walk together.
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Me too. Maybe one day it will work
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Hugs! I am not missing call much either — I hated the 72 hour weekends.
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They were tough, weren’t they
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Ick yes.
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I’m so sorry! The timing of this fire makes it so much worse. And yes, it’s okay to be tired, no matter what your situation is. We’re all human, and we all have our limits. When we hit our personal limit, physically or emotionally, we need to rest, and ignore anyone who tells us we don’t deserve to do so. There is always someone in worse shape than us, but knowing that doesn’t lessen our pain.
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